Fighting Fair: Conflict, Commitment, and the Dance of Love
Part 7 of Two Become One: The Prelude to a Joy-Filled Marriage
They were fighting in the hallway.
Not loudly. Not cruelly. But with tension you could feel in the space between them — like the silence had weight.
I had just finished officiating the ceremony for their cousin’s wedding. Guests were filing out, laughter bouncing off the church walls, and I was gathering my notes when I saw them: Brianna, arms folded, lips tight. Malcolm, rubbing the back of his neck, looking at the floor.
They didn’t notice me. But I noticed them.
Later, Brianna pulled me aside.
“I’m sorry if we seemed tense. We’ve just been… off lately. We keep having the same fight over and over. And we promised ourselves we’d never be that couple. The kind that fights in public.”
I smiled gently. “The problem isn’t that you fight. It’s whether the fight brings you closer or pushes you apart.”
She looked surprised. He looked relieved.
Conflict Is Not the Enemy — Fear Is
Marriage doesn’t erase disagreement. It simply invites you to navigate it together.
Somewhere along the line, many couples learn to fear conflict — or worse, fear that conflict means failure. But real love doesn’t live in the absence of struggle. It grows in the commitment to struggle well.
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear…” — 1 John 4:18
Words Can Heal — Or Wound
“The tongue has the power of life and death…” (Proverbs 18:21)
“With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people made in the likeness of God…” (James 3:9)
Words matter.
How we speak — and why we speak — reveals what we truly value.
In marriage, words can become weapons… or tools for building trust. It’s not just about speaking the truth — it’s about creating a safe space where truth can land gently. A space where neither person fears being judged, dismissed, or attacked. Where vulnerability is met with support, not shame.
If this speaks to you, you may also enjoy reading:
- Love Is a Verb: https://notarynearme-florida.com/love-is-a-verb
- Thinking Out Loud: https://notarynearme-florida.com/thinking-out-loud-when-love-is-more-than-a-feeling
Building a Relationship That Strengthens You Both
Brianna and Malcolm didn’t need a script.
They needed a shift. They started asking each other better questions:
- What do you need from me when you’re overwhelmed?
- What’s something I do that makes you feel unseen?
- How can I support who you're becoming — not just who you've been?
They began to see conflict not as a sign of weakness, but a doorway to deeper understanding.
Marriage Takes Work — But It’s Worth It
Love is a beautiful feeling. But marriage? That’s a covenant — and it’s also a commitment to growth.
Brianna and Malcolm decided to meet with a marriage coach. Not because they were falling apart — but because they wanted to build something stronger.
“We realized,” Brianna told me later, “you don’t wait until you’re completely out of shape to go to the gym. So why wait until your marriage is breaking to learn how to make it better?”
Exactly.
Marriage coaching isn’t just for the brink. It’s for the brave. For couples who want to communicate better, love deeper, and be intentional about what they’re building — before problems become patterns. And for couples who’ve been through something hard — and come out stronger — there’s beauty in marking that with a vow renewal.
Not to repeat the past. But to say: We’re still here. Still choosing each other. Still dancing — even if we’ve learned a few new steps.
Still My One: https://notarynearme-florida.com/still-my-one-vow-renewal-story-florida
We Loved Their Vows: https://notarynearme-florida.com/we-loved-their-vows
What’s Next?
In the weeks ahead, we’ll dive into what the Bible says about the design of marriage:
- “It is not good for man to be alone…”
- “A man shall leave his father and mother…”
- “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the Church…”
- “Wives, respect your husbands…”
But for now, let this truth settle in:
You’re not failing if you’ve had hard days.
You’re growing when you keep choosing each other — again and again.
If you're preparing for marriage, celebrating an anniversary, or walking through real-life challenges, you don’t have to navigate it alone.
Let’s talk. I’d love to support your journey — whether through custom vows, a ceremony that reflects your shared faith, or a vow renewal that honors how far you’ve come.
Because your relationship deserves more than a wedding day. It deserves a Joy for a Lifetime.
